Sunday, May 31, 2009

Utah State Cinderella Scholarship Program :)

So my state pageant is in exactly 6 days :) Im so excited but super nervous at the same time. At least this year I have everything together early and I'm totally ready for everything. I have my formal dress (stunning ivory and silver dress ) my talent dress ( dark blue piano singer dress :) )my interview suit ( purple ) and my casual wear outfit ( grey with a blue cami and blue heels ) SO EXCITED!!! I even took it up a step this year and wrote and drew out how my hair and makeup is going to be for each event... yes I got that detailed :) All thats left is for me to get there and compete! YAY!!! Im in a different category this year.. last year i was in teen and this year Im in the woman category :) The only difference besides the way you present your self ( dress/ appearance of a woman vs teen ) is i have an on stage question... ugh. Im not sure how that all goes down but It shouldnt be to hard and Im not worried to much about it.. They'll probably ask about college, my future career or somthing along those lines. The last time I did an onstage question was in the 5th grade and it was AWFUL! I totally bombed it lol They had asked me tell us about your district science fair project.... well I stood there and rolled my eyes dreading what I knew had to be my answer.. cause the judges already knew it so there was no way that I could change it. I got very red and said my science fair project was on what causes people to throw up.... could there be any more embarassment at a pageant?? i think not... So i had to tell a quick version of how I did it and then walked off stage... needless to say I didnt get into the royalty but I won talent :) Ive never been disappointed with the fact I havent won as long as I win talent.. talent is my forte its my element... I feel so comfortable up on a stage with a spotlight on and a mic in front of me... I love the sound I love knowing that people are hearing my voice and hearing the passion in the song... Thats one thing Ive always had a nitch for... I can send a message through my singing... I dont have to have impowering words... I just have to feel it... attach it to an emotion and it all falls into place. Im so excited for my talent this year.. techinically its the same song I did last year, but this year I have an emotion to attach to it I have the look of a sad but passionate piano singer and the emotion Im putting into it is real and fresh.... Im attaching it to a kid named Drue.. who I pretty much dated for 4 years even though 3 years of that was a distance relationship.. he finally said he needed to move on at the beginning of this month and I was heartbroken... I literally felt emptiness inside and the love was stripped away without me being able to do anything about it... The song is called " someone to watch over me" its about a girl wanting to find that special someone to hold her love her and care for her... my favorite part in the song goes " although he may not be the man some girls think of as handsome to my heart he carries the key".... SO TRUE... Drue wasn't every girls cup of tea, he was about my exact heigth , and he was just your average joe to most people... but to me he is so much more.. he was incredibly compassionate and loving.. he had emotions and he wasnt afraid to show them to me.. he was by no means emotional but if something really got to him he would never hide it from me... he was talented, smart, funny, and just kinda quirky which i love. He had strong values and good morales and never let anyone sway him or his decisions... he stuck to it no matter what... he was so perfect and I had true deep feelings for him... and I still do its just hard to forget someone like that after 4 years of waiting and rocky roads... i just dont think that road is over yet... i think he just needs some space to get him all sorted out..
anyways I'll post what happens in 6 days... hopefully I'll be writing as the new Utah State Cinderella Woman :) that would be great cause I have been working my butt off for the last 5 months making sure I have everything down flawlessly.. until next time!